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Son of a Gun - Storyboards - Part 1 by RozlynnWaltz Son of a Gun - Storyboards - Part 1 by RozlynnWaltz
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This is a fun little old west sequence I boarded.

I fleshed out the story but the base concept was part of an assignment.
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:iconliketheisland:
Liketheisland Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013  Professional Filmographer
okaaaay critique box is being dumb for some reason so I'll just put it here

The compositions in this and Part 2 are pretty much perfect in my opinion; I'd just cut out half the dialogue. A greater use of gestures and facial expressions to show the relationships between the guards and the father and son instead of telling them with words would make this stronger. Plus, just a question: What happened to the guard's rifle? It just kinda disappeared out of his hands. You might want a couple shots showing how he lost it and that it is now well out of his reach where he can't use it to defend himself.

Something else to consider if you're going for a humorous tone: I kind of like the fact that the son says "stick 'em up" since it shows he's still a greenhorn when it comes to this kind of work (like Will's "Aye! Avast!" in Pirates of the Caribbean). Then the dialogue might go something like this:
Guard: (nonchalantly irritated) You're pullin' my leg, boy.
Son: Huh?
Guard: "Stick'em up"? That's what they all say.
Son: What are you-
Guard: If you're gonna shanghai me, at least say sumpin' more original.
Son: JUST GIMME THE MONEY!

Just an idea. =P

Also, I don't think Old West cowboys would call people "man" like they do here. That's pretty modern-day slang (started with beatniks in the '50s, I think-?). The dad probably wouldn't say "crap" in Part 2 either. He's a gritty rough-rider, for God's sake. Just go balls-out and have him say "shit".

Finally, you don't need the shot between when the engineer says "Huh?" and "Dun' think I will!". You already have two other shots of his foot there, so the audience can just infer where the engineer is looking (you can also just put the *clink* sound effect in the same shot where the dad says "Yee-ah!" to spur his horse the first time. That way, you won't need the shot of the actual spur; we still know what he's doing).

So yeah, this is great for the most part. Just make a few easy tweaks and it'll be outstanding. Well done!
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:iconrozlynnwaltz:
RozlynnWaltz Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Professional Filmographer
Ah thanks!!! You are the first person whose ever given me critique and thats very helpful ^_^
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:iconliketheisland:
Liketheisland Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2013  Professional Filmographer
whaaat. Something's not right there. People need to ditch their shyness/laziness and speak up more, jeez. :roll:

Anyway, you're most welcome. :)
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:iconartisan567:
Artisan567 Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Student Filmographer
blowing off the roof was bad ass
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August 22, 2012
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